Friday, July 16, 2010

Move from Blogger Blog to Word Press

I've moved! Not Like Real Life has now moved to Wordpress. Here's the link. Thank you for the few who have just discovered my blog, your comments are beyond appreciated.

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

The Curse of Being Too "Deep"...

Sometimes I sincerely believe that I am much too "deep" for a lot of people, and in the context of "deep", I mean that serious, intellectual conversation dominates my mind more so than it's lighthearted counterpart. (Once again, does that sound narcissistic? That is a quality I never want to develop) I find myself ruminating world issues and topics rather than talking about what parties I'm going to attend at the end of the week. I would much rather discuss pertinent issues that discuss behavioral analysis or stereotypes than common gossip. I rarely have "light" conversations, and I genuinely treasure friendships with individuals who challenge my thoughts or help me clarify them. Oooh and then there's music! Don't get me started on music! My loquaciousness will cause a person's ear to flee! It's to be said though, it is not that I am not able to carry on lighthearted conversation, it's the fact that I do not ENJOY doing so. That being said, I think it will be difficult finding a romantic partner who is able to challenge me intellectually with the same eagerness as I am willing to impart. As my father likes to say, "Let me pick your brain." I want my brain to be "picked". Pick away! Maybe I'm not looking in the proper places, or it may be that I have this time to really understand myself before understanding others.

This brings me to an interesting theory one of my intellectual compatriots introduced me to, it is called "The Law of Attraction." I am not well versed in the law or how it functions, but I will get back to you once I figure it out. Otherwise, I will continue on as my "deep" self and hope that others will grow to love this aspect of my personality. It is quite a contrast from the jovial disposition I am often associated with. Wait! I have developed another title to my dictionary entry! I am the sociable, jovial, intellectual! ooooh, I like that!

P.S. One of my worst fears is giving off an impression that I am not willing to listen to what others have to say. Even though the words above express a pseudo-elitist sentiment, I believe one must listen to people from all walks of life to successfully "learn". I never want to stop learning.




-un.roast-
Today I really like my skin. In the summer it gets darker (woah, black people can tan?!?), and I think it is absolutely beautiful, especially in the sun. My skin looks like shiny brown paint with copper-red streaks running through it. Too bad my extremely unfashionable work uniform doesn't showcase this as much as I would have liked. :P Oh yeah, and that's a photo I took at the airport recently.

Saturday, July 10, 2010

I suppose all nascent photographers all start with some pictures of flowers . I am no different!

And the inspiration just won't stop...


"...We inhabit a purely relative world, in terms of belief structures, yet each of us knows and in a sense, believes in, the need to be beautiful. My work is about beauty—what it means to be beautiful and what significance the idea has in the twenty-first century in the world of art. We all know that being beautiful is as important as being rich, that being beautiful is itself a form of wealth. One must be tall, thin and white. One’s features must be diminutive and regular. We recognize deviations from this norm, but recognize that these deviations, even if appealing, are far from ideal. The need to be beautiful fuels one of the largest and most ruthless industries in our world..." - Margaret Bowland




via: kiss my black ads I see my youth in these paintings.
"Sometimes, I feel discriminated against,

but it does not make me angry.

It merely astonishes me.

How can any deny themselves the pleasure of my company?"


~Zora Neale Hurston

Why I Went "Natural"... Part 2

Before I continue onwards to Part 2 of "Why I Went Natural"... I want to add something to my blog posts, something called "Un-Roast". I stole the idea from the blog, Eat The Damn Cake,
interestingly enough, she herself stole the idea from another blogger! Thus continuing the awesome recycling of previous information (all the while mentioning the originator of course!). Anyway, the author of Eat The Damn Cake explains the purpose of the "Un-Roast" in greater detail:

"So, because I’m ambitious but not incredibly ambitious, I assigned myself the task of un-roasting. Of taking time to consciously identify something I like about myself every day. So far, it’s mostly been physical stuff, because the mean voice is more consistently critical of my physical appearance, but some of you have contributed un-roasts about other aspects of yourselves, and I like that idea. I think I’m going to start expanding my own un-roasts, too. It sounds so simple it’s almost pointless. So you say you like something about yourself everyday. You can do that anyway, when you look in the mirror. But the thing is, sometimes it’s just better to write it down. To have proof of it. I want to have a record of all the things I love about myself..."


I think I'm going to take up this concept of "Un-Roast", and I wholeheartedly agree with the ideas expressed above. Sometimes I believe that Western society has put so many of us in a constant state of self-criticism; to such an extent that we forget our exemplary qualities. I do not want to forget mine.


Why I Went "Natural"....

It was my junior year of high school when I decided finally to go "Natural". I was tired of damaging my hair and conforming to what others said I was supposed to be. I was changing physically, mentally, emotionally; I started formulating what my true "beliefs" were, and cutting my hair so short until there was barely any left on my head was one of the outward expressions of this change.

Of course, not everyone saw this as my personal growth. There were naysayers who found my decision "radical", possibly of the unavoidable displays of teenage angst. I was met with interesting stares from my classmates and my teachers. There were plenty of people who were shocked and who questioned my decision, but since I had developed amazing acting ability in CONFIDENCE (outside I seemed like the most outgoing, confident girl you would ever meet, inside was a different story), I would receive comments like, "You WOULD go and cut your hair all off, you're the only black girl I know who would do that" or "You've always been so bold!".

I scoffed at these comments. My actions weren't extraordinary. I was just sick and tired of the cycle. I was ready to be the person I wanted to be. What was so bold about that?

And then there were the peers who were amazed and confused at seeing black hair in it's virgin state. The comments of these peers were the ones that stung the most. Blacks and whites partook in the over-examination of my hair and I absolutely hated it. One boy in a class asked me, "Can you wash black hair, I mean it can't get wet can it? The water just beads up and falls off, right?" Others tried to stick pencils or pieces of paper in my fro. What's worse is that when I would wear head wraps, they would call them head socks and try to snatch my wraps off my head.

The most unfortunate of it all was that I played along. Instead of correcting their false assumptions and stopping their actions, I pretended not be be hurt. I took what they did as innocence and I would reciprocate with a smile, a laugh, and a shrug. In reality however, I saw my attempts at "finding myself" unraveling. Suddenly, I was an oddity, somebody who was completely different. It was tough, and writing this post makes me realize my mixed emotions. However, I am happy to have conquered and completed those years and I pleased to know that I will never go back.

My natural hair has presented me with several challenges. There are some days where I think I look absolutely atrocious, and others when I think I wonderfully represent my African beauty. I supposed we all have to face daily contradictions. But my reason for being natural came from a place set arcanely in my heart. This place told me that I was an impostor. The young woman with relaxed hair, American Eagle t-shirts, Aeropostale jeans (I know! I can't believe I wore that either), and a big smile that others viewed was not the real me. It was the complacent me. I completely understand that there are all things that we humans have to conform to, it is a necessity, but I wanted to be as comfortable as possible in the body in which I was born and grew in. To reach this goal, going "natural" was a step that seemed unquestionable.

I hope I didn't bore you. It was quite uncomfortable writing all this, and hope the over-emphasis on my personal experiences does not scream narcissism. Wait! What am I talking about? This entire blog is vainglorious. But I think I am at a point in my life where this is acceptable, after all, the process of finding yourself is continuous. Right?

That is all.


-un.roast-
Today I love my cheek-bones! I love the way they shape my face and they way they reflect sunlight. They are identifiers of my West-African blood, and I think they are beautiful. :P

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Why I Went "Natural"... Part 1

First of all, I must say that I have been enjoying a plethora of amazing conversations with amazing people. I am naturally a very garrulous person, and one of the ways in which I feel truly content is by having meaningful discussions with others. When I have a conversation that is thought-provoking, humorous, or even sobering, I am happy. Even though I mentioned in a previous post that I often find that my vocabulary lacks when I am trying to convey my thoughts; it is only through discourse with other people that I am able to develop that vocabulary. In the past few days I have spent time conversing with old friends, good neighbors, workmates, family members, and even college associates, and each of their discussions provided me with new information. I have been forced to reflect on the beliefs and opinions I have about certain subjects, a challenge I enjoy profoundly. I enjoy questioning myself, my motives, my thoughts. I believe this constant reevaluation of one's self leads to perpetual growth...and that's a good thing, right?

Okay, now that my little preface is finished, I will expound on the original topic, "Why I Went Natural ". First of all, when I refer to the word "Natural", I am referring to the state of my hair, a state that is without chemicals, extensions, or dyes.

Even since I began being preoccupied with my hair, I have had what we black people call a "relaxer" (or perm) in my hair. Essentially, it was a process that involved putting a wide array of chemicals in my hair to achieve a bone-straight look, comparable to the hair of White or Asian people. Do you notice something wrong? I am saying that since I was at least 5 or 6 years of age, my hair had been chemically treated to resemble the appearance of a race that was not mine. The chemical submission of my hair led to a vast array of personal problems for me during my youth. Once I was led to believe that this inherent feature of mine was not desirable, I began applying the same reasoning to my other physical characteristics. Soon my skin, my nose, my eyes, my body joined took part in my constant scrutiny.

It sounds dramatic doesn't it? And you know what? It was, and it still is. There were so many other details entwined with the constant "relaxing" of my hair, that it became apart of my identity. I couldn't imagine myself without my relaxed hair. However, before you continue reading, I must mention a disclaimer. Yes, it was my mother's decision to give me a relaxer, but I do not blame her directly for my problems with my identity later on. At the time, it was the best decision she could think of (relaxing your hair was and continues to be a way of life for young black girls), and I leave her to her discretion. I still love my mother unconditionally.

Essentially, when I was young I believed that relaxed hair was what made black women beautiful; and without a relaxer, a black woman was not "behaving" as she should. It became an unquestionable fact: if beauty was to be achieved, a relaxer certainly had to be applied to the scalp! When I reminisce on these thoughts, I recoil in disappointment. How foolish and ignorant I was to believe this way, but I wasn't the only one. From where I came from, this way of thinking was in the majority. Added societal pressures did not ease this mindset either.

Teenage years. Once my teenage years started creeping in, my outlook severely changed. I can't say what motivated my drastic change, but something inside my consciousness switched. I began widening out, I began witnessing and recognizing with my own eyes black women with NATURAL hair. They wore proudly the unadulterated material that grew from their scalps. They too were beautiful, possibly even more so than the women I saw continually lathering on the "creamy crack". How deceived I felt! I could be beautiful too, but without having to submit my hair to the constant burning and pain of my relaxer. At 15 I began coveting natural hair. I continually wanted to take the final decision to go natural, but my mother would talk me out of it, for fear that I would be ridiculed in school if I were to go au-naturale. A fear that unfortunately manifested itself several times.

To be continued...

Monday, July 5, 2010

Did I Just Do That?

Did I just download "Party In The USA" by Miley Cyrus? I think I did. I can't stand the girl, but that song brings back so many memories from freshman year, memories that I don't ever want to forget. So who cares if this song my damage my musical credibility, I'm just nodding my head like "yeah" and moving my hips like "yeah" :D

Sunday, July 4, 2010

The deed has been done...


I bought my camera!! An Olympus E-420! It looks so awesome, but I'm a little intimidated by all it's bells and whistles. There are so many new things to learn, and I have to spend a lot of learning it all...THANK YOU YOUTUBE!

.I can't wait to be posting new photographs up...oh, I have many plans up my sleeve for this CAMERA.

Friday, July 2, 2010

Kal Ho Naa Ho

Har ghadi badal rahi hai roop zindagi
Life changes its beauty all the time
Chhaaon hai kabhi kabhi hai dhoop zindagi
Sometimes it's a shade, sometimes life is sunlight
Har pal yahan jeebhar jiyo
Live every moment here to your heart's content
Jo hai sama kal ho naa ho
The time that is here may not be tomorrow



In A Sentimental Mood...

performed by John Coltrane. This composition, originally composed by the great Duke Ellington is one of my favorites. I can unequivocally say that whatever I'm doing, be it reading, running, dancing, daydreaming, when I hear the unmistakable static harmony of "In A Sentimental Mood", I drop what I am doing and just...listen. Such a beautiful composition it is, and many times it puts me in a nostalgic mood rather than a sentimental one. I become transported to my first trip to New York City (a bit cliche, I know). It is warm, and I am walking with my family and friends in Brooklyn. Then the saxophone lets out a velvety "bada-bada-bada-baaaa", and I am transported back to Atlanta. I am sitting in Centennial Olympic Park, my face devouring the warmth of the sun, my eyelids kindle against my eyes.

I really, really, really love this composition. Ugh, the English language is starting to lose it's luster. I must re-write that last sentence in Spanish. Verdaderamente amo esta composicion, puedo sentirlo en todas partes de mi cuerpo, un sentimiento que mi el amor que tengo por las palabras si mismo no pueden describir.

That's better.

What was I going to write about initially? Ah yes, I have discovered that I am quite the "logophile", a lover of words. Additionally, I'm quite gregarious at that! Haha, how I treasure the value of words! But I must admit, there are vital moments in life when words are not needed nor are they welcomed. There are those moments when language fails you, when speech cannot truly begin to encapsulate one's heartfelt feelings.

I have those moments a lot. That's when I switch to another language (see example above). Connotations and denotations are lost/switched/inverted in different languages, and although others may see it as odd (granted they may lack the knowledge in the languages I choose to switch to), I find it as a medium of more lucid expression.

Take for example the word "crazy." In Yoruba, my mother tongue, that word is "We re" (i'm spelling it purely phonetically, I can't write Yoruba). However, when someone is called "we re", it is seen as a great insult. Not only does it denote someone who performs odd actions, but it implies a lack of mental health as well. The same with Spanish and the word "loca." Even though some may argue that it doesn't bear as strong of an insult, a person would get a few slaps on the head for calling a random passerby "loca."

Get my drift? Me entiendes?

What a mood "In A Sentimental Mood" puts me in!

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Thoughts Round-up


Okay, so A LOT of things have been swirling around in my mind lately. Thoughts about my future, body issues, guys, family, finances...just about EVERYTHING has come to mind. And although I honestly believe that I am the most scatter-brained person out there, I have realized through reading a various list of other blogs that I am not as strange as I initially thought myself to be. It takes reading the oddly similar experiences of others to completely realize that we are not as "unique" and "different" as we have been told we are. Reading blogs has become a way of mine to reading "minds" (a superpower I have ALWAYS wanted btw, I was and continue to be so jealous of Jean Grey and Professor Xavier). Anyway, here is a round up of my thoughts spoken by others:

From Jezebel.com


On narcissism:

me: ok sorta weird question: do you think the world would be a better place if you were in charge?
danny: haha at times i feel like i could run the world better than the people that actually do it because they seem to do really illogical and immoral things but then realisitically i know that i could never wield that much power and deal with the stress that they must have
me: ha me too
so that question was actually from a test for narcissism, which people say is on the rise in college students — do you think people your age are more or less self-centered than older people, or the same?
[...]
danny: hmmm, my gut reaction was to say that people my age are more self centered
but i think thats natural because were at that point where we have to figure out what to do with the rest of our lives so we spend a lot of time thinking about our own lives and maybe less about other important issues in the world not to say that there arent a lot of people my age who aren't self centered because i know there are but i think it is natural for people my age to be that way, sort of absorbed in their own life trying to figure everything out.



sensitivitycop 06/28/10
This was pretty hopeful. I used to think poorly of many of the "generations" that have developed during my lifetime, but i really like this generation. In the last ten years I've seen young people respond to 9/11 with their lives and respond to George W. Bush with Barak Obama. While this generation may be a little obsessed with disclosing TMI at a LOL rate, I think we're turning a corner from the utter selfishness that youth were encouraged to develop throughout the 80's and 90's to an attitude that is more open to the service of others (although there was some amazing rock n roll in the 90's.

From Racialicious.com

rawrsydney 06/07/10

"Oh, how much can I relate? This is like me, two years ago. 'Educated, liberal' white people will go to school with you, sit at the lunch table with you, and got 'tsk-tsk, in today's world even?' every time some FOX news pundit lets his true colors show, but start making eyes at them? 'You're pretty, FOR A BLACK GIRL, but I'm just not into black girls. It's just a preference, like with hair color.' Yeah, sure buddy. If they dated a blonde who dyed their hair brown, red, or cotton-candy-pink, they'd just find that something to overlook. Then there's the 'but-my-parents-would-disown-me' excuse (IMO, any parents who would disown their child over their SOs skin color is an unfit parent and never loved their kid in the first place). After hearing all that, why not just be asexual for a while until you find a nice safe black boy? And the media doesn't help any. On TV, how often is a black woman, no matter how beautiful, portrayed simply as a desirable woman to a non-black man, as opposed to a wise-cracking, head-snapping, asexual best friend sidekick? MAYBE, she can be the token in a parade of hot, otherwise white women. Or, if she's Halle Berry, Rosario Dawson, Rashida Jones, or Zoe Saldana, she can be attractive.....and even they are painted blue or playing white/Hispanic half the time. You have John Mayer acting like 'my dick is racist' is cool to say, and many men are eating it up, thinking it's edgy to say 'the only black woman I'd ever do is Beyonce/Halle Berry/whatever' as long as they prefix it with 'I'm not racist, I voted for Obama and I LOVE rap music.' Often, I see guys who do gravitate towards black women (and I don't mean to the exclusion of anyone else or who fetishize black women, just guys who won't immediately dismiss her because she's darker than a paper bag) get made fun of. 'So and so has jungle fever' or 'ha, of course what's his face is talking with the black one.' Surrounded by all that, a white guy who'd normally be accepting will be brainwashed into ignoring black girls, or hide any attraction to black girls to avoid comments from his friends and family.

Personally, my boyfriend is white, and one reason I'm with him because I know if anyone, even his dear old grandma, made a comment about it, he'd tear them a new one. Not that most of his family would; another factor is of course how these men are raised. If their dads are only checking out the waitresses with long blonde hair and skinny ankles, but calling any black woman passing by with a kid in her arms and a designer purse a 'trashy ghetto welfare queen,' what's he gonna learn? That the only desirable women fit a specific, generic mold, and most black women are trashy and ghetto, and therefore undesirable. I'll mimic what I hear the 'educated, liberal' whites saying: tsk-tsk. Even in today's world."


From bglhonline.com

"The reason why the third world exists is because these nations have agreed to follow European standards of wealth, professionalism, and civilization"

-Blacqinfinite, from bglhonline.com

From Def Poet Lemon

"May you find that the Lord? may not come when you call, but He's always on time."

From eatthedamncake.com

Rob (R.M. Levitt) responded on 02 Jun 2010 at 1:23 pm

"I think that by defining your identity around breaking down old stereotypes, you give those stereotypes just as much power over you as if you completely validated them. In a way, you just become a different kind of stereotype: the person who conforms to nonconformity!

I think you hit the nail on the head when you said “Women [and men! —R.M.] can and should be whatever it is that they feel inclined to be.” That’s a healthy kind of feminism that doesn’t ridicule women who like to bake cookies, and the male equivalent doesn’t tell us we’re gay if we don’t like football.

By the way, I suck at math!"



Fin.

Friday, June 25, 2010

I'm going to be like her one day....



I was peeking around a tumblr called Afrolicious, and I found this wonderful photo. I can't wait for the day when I radiate sensuality and confidence like this woman. She's fabulous.

Thursday, June 24, 2010

Being "African"...



There are so many contradictions to the statement. However when I use the word "contradiction", although it carries a negative connotation, it is those apparent "contradictions" that make being and "African" so powerful. I don't remember how many times I have mentioned it to others that Africa is a CONTINENT, not a COUNTRY! However, when someone asks me if I am African, I do not refute them and answer, "no! I'm not an AFRICAN, I am a NIGERIAN". In fact, I agree, and this is my usual reply "Yes, I am African, I'm from Nigeria."

Ah ha! In that one statement, I am clarifying not only my continental identity, but the identity of the country I come from. It is comparable to asking someone, "Are you North American?" and they replying, "Why yes! I'm from Canada." The only difference is that the majority of people recognize that there are different countries in North America, while that same majority believe that Africa is a mass, a lump of people; they fail to distinguish the countries that make up the continent.

Does that mean that songs, banners, slogans, sayings, and movements promoting a "United Africa" are enabling and thereby continuing the misconception of a "Country of Africa", a continent filled with a homogeneous group of people? This is where the "contradiction" I mentioned earlier makes it's appearance.

I bet some people would reply "yes" to the question I just posed. But this is how I see it: I have a strong identity of being an "African", hence, being a person from the continent of Africa, and therefore, I have a bond with others from the continent. Even if the people are not a part of the same ethnic group as I, even if the people do not speak the same language as I, even if the people do not worship the same god as I, even if they people are not from the same country as I, there is an inevitable bond there. It is a bond that comes from a history of oppressed, suffering, surviving, thriving, and resilient people from the continent of...AFRICA.

Hence, when I meet a person from Ethiopia, Ghana, Egypt, South Africa, etc..., I feel a connection with them. To an extent, they have seen some of the things I have seen, and they understand about the blatant corruption that plagues our countries. And although the same things happen elsewhere in the world, I feel a stronger connection this regard when I meet other Africans (as biased as that might seem). I must note this a connection that not shared by many others in other continents. For what I have observed, there is not that same "bond" between countries in North America (i.e. Canada, Mexico, USA) nor is that bond seen in Asia. From what I know, Russians do not have a "bond" with their Chinese, Mongolian, Indian, Pakistani, etc, counterparts.

...but as "KUMBAYA MY LORD" as this sounds, I must mention the nationalistic and ethno-centric pride that divides so many African people from other African people. It is a good thing to love who you are and to love your ethnicity, but when this "love" is converted to "pride" and " discrimination", then the problems arise. Those are some of the problems that continue devastate my own countrymen, and so many others all throughout the countries of Africa.

I hope my explanation isn't too difficult to understand, but a thorough investigation of this subject is a difficult task.

Here, let me try to say it as tersely as I can.

Yes, I am an African. I come from a continent that is teeming with the culture of billions. I come from a continent that is overflowing with resources that have been stolen and misused, but I also come from a continent that possesses strong, powerful people. However, within this continent, I was born in a country named Nigeria. Mine is a nascent country, a country with several of it's own problems. Yes, as contradictory as it may sound, I have identify as a Nigerian, but also as a African. For even though Africa is a continent with 53 countries and over 1 billion people, I share a common history with those people that even I cannot completely explain.

Fin.

Saturday, June 19, 2010

New Camera...


I am currently considering buying a new DSLR (Digital Single Lens Reflex) camera. It has been a purchase that I've wanted to make for a long time, but I didn't have the financial resources to carry me through. In fact, I wrote a post about my love of photography a couple of months ago. The downside is that these types of cameras are not cheap. Most of them start at $400.00, and for a college student, that is a large sum of money . I know that there are PLENTY other things that I could be spending my money on, or even saving my money for...but...it is something that I have wanted for a very long while now.

It sounds like a worn aphorism, but photography is sincerely a way for me to keep my best memories. And what better way to preserve memories than capturing them in the sharpest, most highly defined way possible? I have so many memories from last year that I wish I would've captured, but my old camera failed me numerous times. And honestly, I don't want regrets. I don't want to regret not capturing those amazing moments. Additionally, I do not want to gain any sort of acclaim or praise from my photography. I am not planning on a career in photography, or selling my prints. I just want to document my rapidly changing life in the best way possible. Does that sound reasonable?

Well, it does to me. To my mother on the other hand, not so much. But here is a difference between she and I. Meticulous detail from the most minute images or memories have a greater meaning to me than to her. My mother is good at seeing the grand scale of things, of generalizing. While I have the habit of focusing on the small, the the facets that go unnoticed. There are pros and cons to both ways of seeing life, yet is understandable that she doesn't feel the same reward from photos as I do.

This could be attributed also, to the fact that I am surrounded by others who appreciate photography in the same sense.

BAH! I'm going to buy this camera! And I'm not going to regret it! Sure, I have a ridiculous amount of things to buy next year, but I know I will enjoy my year so much better with this camera...as foolish as that sounds.

Fin.

Thursday, June 17, 2010

Now Reading...

The novel "Cutting For Stone" by Abraham Verghese

It takes place in Ethiopia and revolves around the relationship of two twin boys...I've only made it into chapter 2, and I have SEVERAL more chapters to go. This novel is massive! I can't wait though, my reading regimen has been skewed a bit.

More so, because of the aforementioned change in my sleeping habits, I have been spending much too much time on the computer. I need to cut this down exponentially. Haha.

As for the World Cup? As I predicted, Nigeria is now out of the World Cup 2010. Their team was plagued with too many problems to function properly and a coherent group. Actually, many of the African nations are not fairing too well.

Such a shame.

Fin.

Tired...

Man, this new job has got me exhausted. More so, it has caused a weird dynamic shift in my summer. Gone are the days filled with reading excessively and spending my days walking and sleeping. Now my days are filled with little children screaming in my ear, pulling at my clothing, disobeying every single one of my requests, and just wearing me out! As I type this, I am humored. I didn't know what I expected; although I did expect this, I just didn't expect how tired I would be as a result. I suppose I shouldn't complain. After all, I myself know several of my peers who were not able to find jobs this summer. Several have searched with no avail. Fortunately, I did not have to search at all. I had always been on good terms with the owner of the summer camp I currently work for; so returning with ease after a two-year hiatus was no real surprise. And I understand why he was so eager to have me return. I am a good counselor. No, haughtiness hasn't overwhelmed me, it is just something I realize. I am good with children, most children really take a liking to me...but is the feeling mutual? I'm not sure.

The thing is, I believe that the reason children like me so much is that I don't treat them as children, but as "young adults". I could see how this point of view might become problematic, but for the most part, children love to be given attention like that of adults. They have important things to say, and want their listeners to realize that. However, it is inevitable to mention that children WILL behave like children; this is where the majority of problems arise.

Anyway, this is the latest I have been up in the past week. Right now it is 10:37 pm. On previous days I would return home, just to pass out on my bed. I would remain in this pseudo-comatose state until about 3 or 4 am in the morning. Meaning that I would waste my entire day due to my sheer exhaustion. I have become more accustomed to the schedule now and I think I will be alright.

I think I have to remind myself that money is money, and that all these challenges are a stepping stone to something greater.

Yup, I'll just stay optimistic.

That is all.

Friday, June 11, 2010

World Cup Fever...


...I think there is nothing more to be said. I love futbol, and therefore I love the World Cup...
My home country, Nigeria is playing tomorrow against Argentina. I don't know how they will fair. I'm preparing myself to be disappointed, but hey, anything can happen!

Apart from the sports festivities, next week I am officially beginning my job. This past week has been a very enjoyable one. My family and I have spent a good amount of time with each other. It has definitely been fun. Now that I think about it, it has been good to spend time with them again.
Plus, I have been catching up with my some of my friends, and that's always a good thing!

Lastly, I have been immensely enjoying watching Def Poetry episodes on YouTube. Ugh, such good stuff! The way these poets speak their words is absolutely electrifying. It makes me want to be apart of a poetry slam.

That is all. :D

Thursday, June 3, 2010

body. image. issues.

"I suppose everyone is susceptible to them. It sucks believing that the way you look isn't good enough. I believe everyone struggles for an "ideal" image, when in reality, it doesn't exist. The thing is, as I say it, I know that I'm not heeding my own advice. It strikes everyone, and I'm not an exception"

Glastonbury Festival 2010...goodness gracious I want to go so bad. It aches.

Kounter Kulture


I feel "deep" today. I just came from hanging out with friends. GOOD FRIENDS.
It's so refreshing to find people who are just as "deep" as you. What do I mean by "deep"? I mean socially conscious. I mean passionate. I mean willing to share their own experiences. I mean hip!It's so hard to put in words. I think this is my reward for not always going out and hanging out so much. It makes the times in which I do so much more rewarding.

Especially today. Because one of the special people I spent time with just came into my contact just by chance. It was amazing.

Then there were the younger people I met. Not much younger than me, only about two or three years younger...but they too were hip. Like the beat generation inspired by Jack Keroauc, although I don't think they realize their own power. I saw fads and uncertainty in all of them, but I also saw potential. I know I'm sounding like an elder spouting out old adages from years past, and I'm sure that's how I sounded to them...but they were chill kids. From what I could tell, good company...that's just going by first impressions.

I'm still reading. I have completed "The Memory Keeper's Daughter". I was disappointed. I don't think it was a good novel. It was very "Danielle Steele"; very melodramatic, dripping with over-wrought sentiments falsely propelled by one action. Kind of like reading "rich white people" complain about their problems. Additionally, I didn't like how the character with Down's Syndrome wasn't given an "inner voice". The book dragged a bit, but wasn't entirely un-readable. Just not my cup of chai.

I have started reading "The Poisonwood Bible". We'll see how that goes.
Next I want to read "On The Road" by Jack Kerouac. I'm feeling like a part of a novo "beat" generation (as mentioned earlier), although it may be a somewhat exaggerated and stereotyped feeling.

The parentals and I are getting along. I love them, but they sometimes seem to forget that I'm growing up. I have a foot in adulthood and another foot stuck in adolescence.

Fin.


Thursday, May 27, 2010

Update


Last time I wrote, I wrote about the novel A Thousand Splendid Suns. Since then, I would like to say that I have finished the novel, and it was completely amazing. The writing wasn't spectacular, the prose being very simple. However, it was the emotions Khaled Hosseini brought forth from the words written. The novel is knee-deep with showing the importance of sacrifice. I know that I'm going to read it again before my summer vacation is over. I need to ruminate on such "amazing-ness".

After A Thousand Splendid Suns, I bulldozed through another novel called "The Ruins". It is written by Scott Smith, and was adapted into a film a couple of years ago. I don't know if I liked it. It was a "thriller", and that is a genre that I had never explored before in writing. I believe however, that it was a pretty good introduction. Let's just say, after reading that novel, I'll always keep a wary eye on vines. Yes, vines.

The reading overload doesn't stop there! Now, I'm currently reading a novel called, "The Secret Keeper's Daughter", written by Kim Edwards. I'm halfway through, and I have mixed feelings. I'll be writing a book review on it soon. The source of my mixed feelings stem from the fact that there are some characters in the novel that are so entrenched in grief that I don't care for them. There dogmatic nature and various familial problems annoy me. And I must say, it's tough to read a book about characters you don't care about.

My books have been the highlight of my summer. Other than that, I've been awaiting my the beginning of my summer job and eventual summer classes.

People keep asking me if I'm bored, but I'm not bored in any sense. Sure, I would like to go out more, but I'm trying to get myself "centered" before my second year of college begins. The month of my proved to be my testing period. Now I know what I need to focus on for June and July. I don't my the solidarity. I'm just enjoying my family and their company.

Lately, I've been characterizing my personality as the "sociable loner". Sure I love being around people, but there is a deep strain in my that sincerely enjoys being alone. It's nice.

That is all.

Thursday, May 13, 2010

A Thousand Splendid Suns


I recently borrowed the book from my local library. And by recently, I mean TODAY. I'm already half-way done with it.

Initial thoughts? I believe this book is powerful. So powerful. I don't know how I've not read it for so long. But I'm glad that I'm in this moment in my life to read it. I'm completely prepared.

But my with all my preparedness, I wasn't ready for some of the subject matter. And my making of this post at 2:54 am is a testament to that. You see, tears were falling down my face as I read the accounts of two women (the main protagonists of the novel), Mariam and Laila. But it wasn't until I closed the book did my real weeping start. It's not like I know these people or have a close bond to Afghanistan or Afghans in general. It was to imagine their suffering, to imagine the suffering of millions that still continues.

I had to try to find my breath.

We'll see how this ends. I don't know if I'm ready.


Monday, May 10, 2010

What I've learned from Julian Casablancas.....

"Sin is honoring desire above what you know is right"

"Anger is weakness, Patience is strength"


Sincerely,
Julian Casablancas; song: 11th Dimension

Sunday, May 9, 2010

SOMETIMES THE ONLY THINGS I THINK ARE STILL TRUE IN THIS WORLD ARE MUSIC and DANCE.
THEY ARE THE ONLY THINGS I'M STILL COMPLETELY SURE OF.
SOME OF THE ONLY THINGS I DON'T HAVE QUALMS WITH.
SOME OF THE ONLY THINGS THAT MAKE ME COMPLETELY HAPPY.
THAT'S SERIOUS.
REAL SERIOUS.
EVERYTHING ELSE JUST SEEMS SO...UNCERTAIN.

And that's a wrap...



Sorry for not blogging in such a long time!

Guess what?!? I'm finished with my first year of college. But oddly enough...it's something I'm not super excited about.

I don't like "conclusions" very much. Don't get me wrong, I was MORE than ready to get the work over with. However, there is something about school. Something about the campus that I have made my home. My new home. Sure, the "true" definition of a home is where your family is, where you feel most comfortable, but I think that definition can be taken several different ways. Take this for example. I love my family dearly. Sometimes I believe more than life itself...but am I REALLY being myself around them? I don't know if I am. You know, I think this is just my lack of "freedom" talking. Or rather, the change thereof. At college, I didn't have anyone to really report to about my actions, unless they were of course illegal! But otherwise, I did what I wanted. Said what I wanted. Dressed the way I wanted. Acted the way I wanted. (however, as I say that now, I realize that there were definitive barriers, BUT...) But! Since being back home, there has been a reversal in all that.

It's a shock for sure. It's as if my life is telling me: "AH HA! There you are! An appetizer of TRUE freedom" only to say later on: "BUT WAIT! No! You are still a...C.H.I.L.D."

This independent spirit is something my parents have always warned me of. But it's really infectious. I feel the YOUTH bubbling forth from my being as we speak!!! And I think my parents are a little concerned. They see how uncomfortable I am at times. And it's not their fault. No. No. Well, maybe kind of. They shouldn't have allowed me to go so far from home. I mean, what did they expect?

ANYWAY! The ending of the semester brought very mixed feelings.

I need to keep blogging I think. Yes. That would be good this summer. It'll keep my mind from going off into the clouds; something that it is EXTREMELY fond of.

Fin.

Thursday, March 18, 2010

Expectations, expectations...

Its so interesting. There are times where I feel extreme elation, and then there are times where I feel sad, and confused. Today is one of those days. The day has been such an odd mix of laughter, thoughtful conversation, self-reflection, and sadness. I don't know, it has been weird. And I feel weird. Constantly people come up to me and say things like, "Oh you're SO mature for your age" ; "My goodness, I would have never guessed you were a freshman"; "Wow, you always seem so confident of yourself"; etc. etc. And I agree. I know that I am an extreme old soul. I feel like I have been on this world once before, maybe even twice! But with this added "maturity" comes added responsibility. Even though I act like I have everything together, inside, I (like many people on a daily basis) go through moments of emotional confusion. I don't want people to expect too much from me, because I'm still trying to figure out my own expectations.

There are things that I should be doing, should be thinking, should be striving for, and when I see other people doing what I believe I should be, I feel an automatic tinge of jealousy. Actually, I spoke about that to someone. We spoke about rating one's success in comparison to that of others. May be this is my fatigue talking. I have not gotten a decent night of sleep in the past week. It has been tough. I think it's time to go to bed. Te quiero.

Friday, March 5, 2010

Post Overload!


Ha. Ha. Ha. You can tell that I am in the mood for typing no? Well, there is just ONE more thing that I want to share with you. It is a loosely constructed essay of one of my friends named Mark. He and I were discussing the evolution of social issues here in the United States, and our current generation's stand on several different social issues. He had already been writing this essay for one of his classes, but our conversation gave him some additional inspiration. And I must say, some of the points he mentions are legitimate. Here is a sample:

"I think this generation is different in a few ways: we grew up in a time of peace that this world has not seen since becoming a global society. The 1990s were a time of complacency, and prosperity following the cold war. And there were no major conflicts America was involved in until the current Iraq war. Second, we are a generation that desires progress. We just don’t know where. Similar to the 1960s, we desire social change. There just aren’t as concrete of things or causes to latch onto. The 1960s was a rebellion against classical social normalcy and values lasting for hundreds of years, it was also a reaction to the militaristic upbringing they had most of their parents having served overseas in one of the world wars. The problem with today is that there is no social norm. We just don’t know what to do with our desire. We have a unique ability to be aware of global issues, but we haven’t been forced into rebelling like the 1960s were. This isn’t a reaction to something we dislike; it’s an effort to find our purpose as individuals. That’s the glaring difference between the current generation of young people, and their parents. Because the world is so huge, and because we are so aware of global society, we don’t know where to find ourselves. There is nowhere we can’t go and nothing we can’t potentially do. There aren’t societal limitations."

"It isn’t that this generation is lazy or unmotivated, they just don’t know exactly where they are driving. Much of the apathy observed is a result of this lack of conflict I think, because conflict breeds diversity and development. It forces people to look at things in new ways, and that is something we have severely lacked. This is why we started freaking out when this recession hit. No one knew what to do.

I think all the Internet blogging and YouTube and Facebook is all a clear indication that we are trying to work out how it is we are going to define our lives. How can we choose a direction? People were pushed in a direction, but now people aren’t."




What do you think? Do you believe that he has made some valid arguments?

Are we really rewarded for our good deeds?

That is what I was taught. That if I did good deeds, I would be rewarded. Really? Is it worth it do be a good person? Sometimes I feel it isn't. Is being an out-standing person enjoyable? Honestly, sometimes I believe it isn't. I try to be a good person. Holding doors, saying thank you, greeting people with a smile, genuinely asking a person about their day, doing favors, going 'out-of-the-way', not asking too much help from others, being polite, being friendly....blah blah blah. When you do these things on a constant basis and receive no type of reciprocation, it becomes disheartening. You WANT something in return. You wonder if anyone really sees your effort.

Guess what? They do. This past week demonstrated that to me. I was really second-guessing my pursuit of being a "good-person". Bleh! It took too much work. I was tired of putting so much time, effort, and compassion towards others just to receive lukewarm results. However, what I realized was that I WAS being rewarded. However, I was being rewarded subtly, not in the ways that I thought of. A hug from a thankful roommate and friend was a reward. Their sincere words of thanks was a reward. A compliment from a stranger was a reward. An uplifting and ridiculously humorous conversation between good friends (almost like family) was a reward.

And when I put it in that perspective, I have been rewarded ten fold this week. Lesson learned? I shouldn't expect the extraordinary from individuals, nothing grand. That way of thinking is too pompous, too selfish. And compliments should not be the motivation of a good deed. But when least expected, be expected to be rewarded for being a good person.

There are many of us out there. And I would like to give my thanks to all of you. Please continue to brighten the day with your smiles and your demeanor. Don't give up. Don't become bitter. I love you.

A Great Conversation Summary...



I hated how the length of the conversation I had with my roommate looked on the blog. So I decided to delete it. However! I DO want to summarize the points that she and I mentioned.

First of all, let me give you the setting that invited this intense conversation. While Gloria and I were in the room, one of our hall mates came into the room and began speaking to me about her plans to go on a mission trip to Jamaica. In addition to the trip, she began speaking to me about how she wants to devote her life to helping others, especially in impoverished countries. She spoke about her disdain of our current global situation, and her desires to try to bring awareness to the different conflicts that plague others. She spoke sincerely, and kind-heartedly. However, while she was speaking, my skepticism and criticism of her grew.

The thing is that I have heard the exact phrases she used time and time again, but by other people. And what were some of the characteristics of these "other" people? They, like she were white, female, young, college-aged, religious, middle-class. Not that there is ANYTHING wrong with anyone who shares those characteristics, but this is a pure GENERALIZATION of what I have seen. Consequently, as this one particular hall-mate of mine spoke, I was reminded of the countless other females I had encountered who had told me their goals of helping impoverished peoples as well.

Immediately what I thought was: "Oh, here comes another rich white girl who wants to go to an impoverished country, work with little orphan children, and come back and say how 'life-changing' her experience was." I know, I know, how cynical of me! But I only came to that conclusion because I have already seen it done SOOOO many times. I was angered. And actually, I still am angered to a certain degree.

Let me be real. You know what I don't like about some of "those" girls is that they view going on these "life-saving" trips as a checklist on their "How-to-be-a-better-person checklist". The thing that angers me is that many times they go to these countries not knowing a thing about the people, their culture, their struggles, and their point of view. Additionally, it is pity they show instead of genuine concern. You see, if many of "those" girls were GENUINELY concerned, they would have begun their research and their dedication to a cause at HOME. Ask yourself, how can a person who lusts over "GOING TO AFRICA!" and "HELPING POOR AFRICANS" be effective in their endeavor if they don't speak to, spend time with, or learn about "AFRICANS" on a daily basis?

Oooh it frustrates me so much! And unfortunately I believe that I unfairly took out my frustration on the dear hall-mate of mine. I was tired of seeing countless ignorant people wanting to "change the world", when THEY themselves needed to change their way of thinking! More so, what so many people DO NOT understand is that sure these programs help certain people for a little while, but once they leave, the people they initially came to help revert to their old ways of living, which means STRUGGLING TO SURVIVE. You know what REAL change involves? It involves DEDICATION. Dedication and time that many people are not willing to devote.

More so, I do not like the way these trips promote stereotypes of people in developing countries. Not all of we "Africans", "South Americans", or "East Asians" need the great 'white saint' to come and save us. Do you know what we need? We need money. We need better infrastructure in our countries. We need CONSTANT publicity about our plans, not just when it is convenient. Ugh.

You see? Unfortunately all these emotions swelled up when I was talking to her. And, honestly, I let her have it. I kind-of grilled her. I un-fairly did, but all I wanted was for she to reflect upon her reasons for going to Jamaica and her desires to help other people. Is it because of a religious obligation? Moral obligation?

So this is my official apology hall-mate. Not of the points I mentioned or the ideas I brought up, but of the way I did so. I did not mean to grill you. I wanted you to think. And like I said to you before, start your process of change on a local level. Genuinely learn to love and care not just about the people you want to help, but of their culture. And please, the LAST thing we minority peoples need is pity. And lastly, maintain your dedication to whatever endeavor you embark upon. That is the ONLY way you will see the change you desire. And I sincerely want you to enjoy your trip to Jamaica. Be safe, and be happy.

That is all.

Sunday, February 14, 2010

Pale Blue Dot




After listening to the wonderful radio station NPR, I was directed to this photograph.

As soon as I saw it, I said, "WOW." The photograph is so awe-inspiring and in many ways, very humbling.

I've often criticized myself over getting so wrapped up in the daily routine of my life. Hardly, except for the times when I write a blog post, do I ever really stop, meditate, and observe. Maybe it is because of the mood I am in this weekend, but I sincerely believe that I am ignorantly forgetting about all the glorious things we have to offer in this world. Additionally, the photograph puts into perspective how minute we humans are when compared to the GRAND scale of everything universal.

Especially here in the United States, I believe that many people have such a selfish view about their lives, when in reality, I believe that we are all connected in a delicate balance. It is selfish to think that one's actions will affect only themselves. I'm pretty sure what I'm talking about is formally called The Butterfly Effect; but my interpretation is a bit more simple than the well referenced metaphor. What I am saying is that we need to stop and reflect; otherwise we forget our real position in the grand cosmos. Take time to look up at the sky, or in a cliche: STOP and SMELL the roses. Haha.

And remember to always smile and laugh. As one of my dear friends would say: " Just smile to make the day pretty."

Saturday, February 13, 2010

Happiness from the little things...


Today it snowed. Actually, I heard that 49 of the United States' 50 states had snow this week. I think that's pretty ridiculous, and nonetheless, Georgia was one of the states included in the snow shower. To say the least, I was excited. I don't know why the presence of white, crystallized water causes such excitement; but it does. As the snowflakes fell, the campus was resurrected. Myriads of students flocked outside to enjoy the interesting change of weather. And when I say interesting, I MEAN interesting. Of recent, we have had the oddest weather patterns. Honestly, in a span of four weeks, we have had temperatures that have ranged from t-shirt and jeans comfortable to below freezing. It has been RIDICULOUS. Consequently, the snow just added to our state of confusion, but it was welcomed.

Anyway, like I aforementioned, the campus came alive! All of a sudden, impromptu snow-ball fights, sledding, and snowman building started. It was so enjoyable to see and hear the laughter of so many people. I myself found myself with my face full of snow (after falling down some stairs haha), but I didn't mind. It was beautiful.

However, while all the revelries were underway, there were some close to me who detested the "white presence". Now, I'm not a fan of cold weather either, but their view points confused me. How can one not see the beauty of tree tops dusted with snow, or lampposts being danced around by glittering snowflakes? I don't know, I believe that there are somethings that are universally accepted as aesthetically pleasing or deserving of admiration. When I meet individuals who don't believe such, I immediately want ask them, "So then, what DO you consider beautiful or awe-inspiring?"

From the interesting angles of a building, to a way a tree's roots curve and twist, I find so many things beautiful that I believe are over-looked. Snow is an obvious example, but we need to take some more time to search for even little things that we consider beautiful. That way, we can find beauty in a world that is sometimes very ugly. What do you think? What are some things you find as incredibly beautiful?

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Find More Enjoyment in Being Alone


I know, I know, it sounds kind of sad, but that is something I really need to to. You see, I am naturally a person that thrives on being surrounded by other people. I feel excited and happy when I'm talking to different people, sharing stories, experiences, and laughs. That is one of the things that makes me most happy. However, I feel that because of this natural tendency, I am giving up an essential part of my personal growth. I sincerely feel that I've reached a stand still in my life. I want to see a definitive change in my behavior, appearance, or ideology, and I'm not seeing that just yet. I must admit that my desire to "change" may just be a sociological response to our media's (society's) idea that college should be a "life-changing" experience. Consequently, because I have been told so much that college will "change" me; when I do not seeing that initial change, I start to get worried.

I just want to feel less dependent of social relationships with others. I want to feel secure and strong as a singular individual. But I really don't know how to do it. I do not want to seem distant or moody, I just want to grow my intellect rather than my social circle. Additionally, I am quite a bold person, so being by myself in different settings has never really been a problem. I want to open my eyes to new people. I have become much too relaxed with my social circle. It is time for a little chaos. I think that I will attend more academic programs by myself, I want to gain a larger global understanding of things around me. Well, that is all that is on my mind right now. What do you suggest?

Sunday, February 7, 2010

It is February!


And that means a lot of things! 1. The year is ALREADY flying by. I really can't believe that we are already into the second month of 2010. If I'm not careful, I won't be able to catch all of the amazing moments this year has in store of me. 2. I have already begun my second semester of college= in a few months, I will no longer be a college freshman! = I am getting older! AAAH! 4. It is Black American History Month. WOOP! 4. Love is on a lot of people's mind. Why? Because of the ever-looming VALENTINE'S DAY. Gross.

That is what I'm going to write about today. Our dumb dependency on such holidays and our over-emphasis of a media manufactured idea of "love." First of all, Valentine's Day has no value. Sure it have a monetary value. But that's it. That is the reason it was created, for the rich to find one more holiday to suck the common people's wallets dry. More so, the historical value is shallow, and the holiday is linked to a massacre. Pretty far from the "love" it promotes eh?

Basically, I don't celebrate it. And I never will. I express my love to others on more than one day. And my need to give out chocolates, cards, and flowers to my dear ones is not limited to the day of February 14th.

Additionally, when this time nears, I hear the whines of my fellow female compatriots. Many of the whines centering on the fact that they do not have significant others: be it boyfriends, friends with benefits, love interests, etc. And you know what? I'M TIRED OF HEARING IT! Ladies, we DO NOT need boyfriends. You just WANT boyfriends. I say it is time to differentiate between the two. Additionally, to this day, women (i'm referring to heterosexual women) continue to find a sense of self-completion with the presence of men in their lives. It is as if a woman cannot really be a "woman" without a man. And I think that is stupid. So many females put males on a figurative pedestal. Something that they like and fantasize about, but spend too much time worrying about, and something they (we) are scared of. I find that the root of this stems from fear. The fear of being rejected by your love interest. But that fear is becoming much too immobilizing.

To all my sisters of all races and creeds, it is time for us to stop defining ourselves by the men in our lives. Stop being scared. Tell the cute guy he is cute. Don't be afraid of going to events by yourself. Terminate the relationship you are not comfortable in. Do not let anyone define your life for you.

I have more to say, but I believe that can wait until another day. Have a happy FEBRUARY!

Monday, January 25, 2010

Music that kept me Sane

While I was going through some rough days, there has always been some songs that kept me sane, and calm. May be you'll like them too.





Major


I haven't blogged in a while, and I've missed it. Its been a couple of interesting days. I've had to challenge the direction I wanted my life to go, and doing so was an emotional roller coaster. In previous posts I mentioned it. About my previous feelings towards some of the classes I had been taking. About how I wish I could do something I really LOVED. About how I felt that life was decided for you.

All this time I thought that "doing what you love" was a stupid cliche that people refused to let go of. But its not stupid. Its real. And you know what? I'm taking steps to doing what I love. Its just that it required serious self-examination and time that I wasn't willing to offer. I just wanted to do what "seemed" best. But what "seemed" best was killing me. I hated it. I didn't feel like I was being true to myself. And now that I finally took the steps to changing my major, I find that being true to one's self is worth it. I feel free, and little scared at the same time. I'm not completely sure what I want for the end goal of my life...but things are looking up. I know the old worries about money and other things will rise, but now I SINCERELY believe that if you're doing something that completes you as a person, and you're saavy about career opportunities, money will follow.

This is a good feeling. And guess what? I'm happy.

Monday, January 11, 2010

Oh The Similarities!


Have you ever met someone that reminded you about a friend or associate you had? I sure you have. And the exact thing happened to me last night. It was remarkable. One of my friends and I were reminiscing over old high school memories and old high school friends. We eventually began talking about one infamous peer of ours and then BAM! I realized how this high school friend reminded me EXACTLY of a new college associate that I had made. It was the most ridiculous similarity. What these girls talk about, how they dress, their height, even their beauty and their mannerisms were parallel.

More so, what was interesting was how I remember reacting to them. Both of them have good hearts, but are too preoccupied with the small details of life. What is most striking is how both of them view the presence of men in their lives. I feel like these two ladies depend too much on physical relationships and admiration from the opposite sex. Now, I am in no position to judge, but I believe that is one of the worst hindrances of all. To place too much weight on the words on others.

Anyway, it is crazy how similar they are. And I am very tempted to introduce the two together, because I believe they would hit it off amazingly. Well, maybe too much of one thing or one person will drive me crazy. :/

Friday, January 8, 2010

Arrival...Departure



As 2010 and the new semester starts, I was thinking about the amount of people who come into your life and after a short time, leave it again. That is especially something that I realize happens frequently in college. The bonds one may make with classmates or people one interacts with on a daily basis can be quickly broken or dissolved. And as solemn as that sounds, it isn't necessarily a bad thing. One thing that I'm realizing is that college life can be very transient, especially on a campus as big as this one. Everyone is moving one way or another, living their lives in the way they believe is most satisfactory, and trying to acquire a good education in the meantime.

That's a pretty big difference from high school. Instead of beginning and ending the year with a group of people you probably have known since middle school or even elementary school, you begin and end a semester with people you have never known and probably will never see again.

I'm finding that I don't really know how to react to this change of relationships. Today I was in a new class, and I was thinking of all my former classmates that I slowly began to miss. It was weird. I felt foreign, uncomfortable. And it was a surprising reaction because I always pride myself in being a person who thrives on new experiences and new relationships.

Well, I wasn't ready for that one. And as excited I am about meeting new people, I find myself more apprehensive than last semester. I guess that's what you get for feeling "comfortable".





I leave you with another fabulous photo from my favorite photodiarist

http://photodiarist.typepad.com/

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Here We Go Again...



...Ahhh! The smell of a new semester! I don't know what this semester is going to hold, but I do know one thing: I don't think I'm ready just yet. The break went by so quickly, that I don't think I prepared my mind for the mental challenges that this new academic semester holds. And to be honest, I'm pretty nervous about it. The idea that "the choices you make at this moment will affect the rest of your life"...is a very daunting and scary one.

But meanwhile tackling the semester is slowly taking over my mind, I find comfort in inspiring photography. Especially this website: http://photodiarist.typepad.com/thephotodiarist/

Eventually, I too want to become a photodiarist. But one that captures the unique moments and everyday life of the students at my University.

I must give a disclaimer though. I am by no means a fabulous photographer. In fact, I am quite the novice. However, maybe following this pursuit will be the thing I need to calm my mind down.

We'll see. Maybe I should get a camera first.

Followers