Thursday, March 18, 2010

Expectations, expectations...

Its so interesting. There are times where I feel extreme elation, and then there are times where I feel sad, and confused. Today is one of those days. The day has been such an odd mix of laughter, thoughtful conversation, self-reflection, and sadness. I don't know, it has been weird. And I feel weird. Constantly people come up to me and say things like, "Oh you're SO mature for your age" ; "My goodness, I would have never guessed you were a freshman"; "Wow, you always seem so confident of yourself"; etc. etc. And I agree. I know that I am an extreme old soul. I feel like I have been on this world once before, maybe even twice! But with this added "maturity" comes added responsibility. Even though I act like I have everything together, inside, I (like many people on a daily basis) go through moments of emotional confusion. I don't want people to expect too much from me, because I'm still trying to figure out my own expectations.

There are things that I should be doing, should be thinking, should be striving for, and when I see other people doing what I believe I should be, I feel an automatic tinge of jealousy. Actually, I spoke about that to someone. We spoke about rating one's success in comparison to that of others. May be this is my fatigue talking. I have not gotten a decent night of sleep in the past week. It has been tough. I think it's time to go to bed. Te quiero.

1 comment:

  1. Dali, love you.

    "There are times where I feel extreme elation, and then there are times where I feel sad, and confused"

    Yes, yes, and yes. And it's because when we feel, not only is it real, but it is passionate and full. When it's sad it is sad because there is a reason, and when its elation it could have been the smallest thing. Odd mixes are always fun, because those small things that shouldn't affect us somehow find its way into that elation so therein lies this tinge-- its when we just want for no reason... well, not "no" reason. It is because it's difficult to express because all we want to is to get it out there, out of us. Instead it festers and grows until it can seep from our pores, leaving as slowly as the flu. You're not alone. And I'm convinces these moments are when we grow, it is when we are forced to act, or channel that we exfoliate.

    Slept for 14 hours last night. Now I have insomnia. Just thought I'd share. Always excited to engage in conversation with you.